Goodbye We Love You

"Koppoly Kopol Toppoly topol.........I always loved you.
I never forget the first time I saw him, he was the chubbiest of 6 puppies...and the darkest,
he ran toward me but in a very wired way....he was going sideways.."
Mahsa Page

".............my hero, the Champ.  It is not a part of his character to be defeated, not even by life.  I think he still wants me to remember that."
Nader Kavakeb

"I miss cuddling with you and hearing you purr.  I love you Kopie."

Rachel Jones

"You were and will probably always remain my best running partner, only you could keep up with me on those ratty, rocky downhills.  I love you Kopol Boy Boy"

Jeff Jones

"Buddy taught me how to hike but you taught me how to take it to the next level.....and you carried the water.  I love you brother and will miss you."

Otis Jones

Kopol on Vacation in 09 in NM and CO

Kopol Runs a Trail Marathon 1/2010

 

Kopol Kavakeb Jones

This is Kopol Kavakeb Jones 

Hiker of mountains

Runner of trails

Loyal friend

He is so powerful, so strong and yet so gentle

He loves with all his heart, totally without conditions

He has many friends that love him

His original parents, Mahsa and Nader love him

He has lipstick marks on the top of his head from his mother Rachel

He loves to walk between my legs when I stand still

His brother Otis licks his face

He is always wagging his tail

You don’t look sick, you look tired

You don’t look old, you look tired

This is how I choose to remember you

You have never asked anything more from me than a safe loving home and food and my admiring, praising voice and a glance your way and the touch of my hand on your body.  Now you look tired and I have seen this look before from Casper and Buddy.  They were tired too and couldn’t lift their heads from the pillow but followed my every move with their eyes.  Last night as we sat alone in the backyard you asked me to take away the pain and clear up the confusion, I will do that for you.  Although it breaks my heart and grieves me beyond what words can describe just to think of this, I will help you.

Tomorrow Mommy and Otis and I will say goodbye

You will rest in place close to Casper and Buddy and we will always be near and even if you don’t hear us say it, you will always know we love you and we always loved you.

You look tired now, Boy.  But you always looked tired after our hikes and runs and this is how we will remember you, 

Kopol Kavakeb Jones.



The New Normal

12.8.2011

In March of 99 my mother was in the hospital recovering from a mini stroke and it was discovered she had a partial blockage of her carotid artery.  While the doctor was in the process of prepping her for a simple process to insert a metal mesh tube in the artery at the blockage she said “I have a bad headache” and then promptly died.  The prepping process had my mother conscious while they injected dye into her blood stream and took pictures of her circulatory system.  Later the doctor played us a video clearly showing something bursting in her brain. 

What followed was a frantic mission by the doctor to remove her from the life support which was keeping her “alive.”  We had to contact my sister in Oregon and get her on a plane to be by our mother’s side when the machine was turned off.  I say “frantic” because I can remember the doctor saying, several times, we’ve got to get her off this machine.  The delay, however came from the fact my sister’s phone was off the hook and for hours we got nothing but busy signals.  I witnessed the doctor working the phone at the nurse’s station trying to get someone in charge at the phone company to interrupt the conversation we thought was taking place on my sister’s phone.  Knowing his attempts were futile the doctor yelled into the phone “thank you very much for nothing” and then slammed the two parts of the phone together and stared at the device.  He ran his fingers through his hair like a comb and just stared down at that phone as if to communicate on another level with my sister.

It wasn’t until several years later that I realized why the doctor was so bent out of shape and on a mission to get Mother off that life sustaining machine.  I didn’t understand the urgency he felt but now I know.  After witnessing the public spectacle that we now call the Terri Schiavo case I realize there can come a new sense of normal.  For us, Mother was still “alive” albeit without the machine she was dead and we all knew that.  But what if one of us got comfortable with the new normal and got in the way of Mother’s wishes for the doctor to DNR?

The mood here is somber once again.  Monday night when I was taking the boys out for the last time, Kopol got up from his bed very reluctantly, stiff, limping on his right rear leg and whimpering.  This boy never cry’s in pain, something is very wrong.  It didn’t pass as we had hoped, not his leg asleep or a weird pain that didn’t last.  He’s still limping on that leg, slightly all the time and other times, heavily.  Is it the new normal?  We watch him limp to the yard and help him pee?  Helping him pee, wasn’t that the last, new normal?  How many more new normals do we go through before we realize Kopol has had enough?

This morning Rachel said she thinks Kopol is telling us it’s time to die.  She doesn’t want to see him in this pain and he doesn’t have the spark he had just a couple days ago.  His spirit is fading.  I was just outside with him and he looked lost for what to do in the yard.  He kept looking at me with wanting eyes so I came close.  He pushed up against me.  What’s he trying to tell me?  I broke down crying and stroking his head.  His tail busted into full wag and he pressed closer into me.  I said “no boy I’m suppose to be taking care of you, not you taking care of me.” 

How'd this happen Kopol Kavakeb Jones?  

We love you.

 Top of New Mexico summer 2010

12.6.2010

Two weeks ago I wrote Kopol’s first blog entry, that was a very emotional time.  Just three days before (11/19) we were sitting in a dark room looking at a computer screen that held the image of Kopol’s X-rayed abdomen.  Something in that picture troubled me and Dr. Jacquie hadn’t come in yet to tell us what she saw on those images.  What I saw was an oddly shaped thing, angular like a lung and huge.  I guessed the X-ray had picked something up that wasn’t part of Kopol’s body.  Maybe something he was laying on?  It could have been a lung but that organ isn’t located behind a dog’s ribcage and up close to the spine.  Something was very bad, had to be with the way they brought us into this room and said “Dr. Jacquie wants to talk to you.”

Dr. Jacquie was pretty somber and pointed out what troubled her on the images.  She then pointed at the mystery part and said it as his bladder, full to capacity and causing Kopol to leak urine.  As we talked I was thinking that it might be best to euthanize Kopol while he was already very sedated.  I just couldn’t imagine having my bladder ready to bust and I knew he wasn’t going to be able to drain it.  I got some relief, as did Kopol, when they ran a catheter up his penis and drained his bladder.  The doctor showed us how we could help him urinate but I really thought his bladder would be full by the end of the weekend and we would have some serious decisions to make.  Much to my surprise, by the end of the weekend I was able to help Kopol create a steady stream of urine that flowed for several seconds.  Each time he and I worked at this we got better and today we are experts.

Speaking of “today,” Kopol Otis and I took a ride down to Alta Vista Veterinary Hospital to put Kopol on the scale.  Good news, at 69.4 pounds he’s gained three pounds in the last week.  That’s not all the good news, as you know, last week we started him on high protein low to no carbohydrate diet and within 24 hours he was pumping out feces like a factory.  He hasn’t had a decent bowel movement in months and now he’s making up for all those missed stools.  He still works to get that bowel movement and the results are soft but that’s huge progress.  Sorry no pictures of his stool J

Here’s a video of Kopol’s trip to Alta Vista.

This video captures two women falling in love with Kopol at stop light.  This happens often.

Last week we went through the car wash and got this video.

Ok, today is Monday, December 06, 2010 and if my calculations are correct Kopol’s original mother, Mahsa will be her in about 14 days.  Moving back to Arizona from Dubai, that’ll be one hell of a nice Christmas present for Kopol and judging by the image below he senses what’s coming, and sticking close to the Christmas tree where he believes his “package” of love will be delivered.

Meaning of Life

11/30/2010

I remember years ago my friend Sharon Kelley saying "I know the meaning of life, it's all those little moments that bring us joy, we get through all the other stuff because we anticipate the good times."  I don't think that works for Kopol or other dogs, they live in the now.  I guess that's part of my job as his friend, to get him to the good stuff and minimize the bad.  There is a point when the good stuff is so far and in between because the bad stuff seems to be winning out.  Enter the dilemma we face, when has the balance tipped the wrong direction and it's time to put a permanent end to the bad? 
It's my job to get Kopol to the good and hold off the bad.  That's what we needed yesterday morning, some good.  Kopol was up and out a couple times during the night and wet his bed at some point.  He really looked sad and worn out Monday morning so Otis and Kopol and I went for the good, something that is always good, a drive around town.  Petsmart was one of our stops to pick up his new grain free food.  Another stop was Alta Vista Veterinary Hospital where Dr. Jackie works.  I wanted to get Kopol on the scale and at 66.5 pounds he has lost weight.  That's about 8 pounds down from where he should be.  When we got home Kopie got a special treat, lunch.  His appetite is great so from now on we will give him three meals a day rather than the two he has had since moving in with us.

We also made a stop at Desert Storm park but that wasn't as good as I expected.  A nearby charter school was holding PE class in the park so the boys couldn't run free.  Although it did cross my mind to let Kopol run amok with the 10 year olds, I think all would have had a great time except for the PE coach.

This morning was Kopol's first breakfast on his new diet,  2 cups of grain free kibble, chicken breast and chicken broth.  Otis got the same ole crappy Purina kibble but with some chicken broth white rice.  Both boys were in heaven and devoured their food in a mad frenzy.  That was a really good time, lunch will be another and then dinner will round out the three guaranteed good times per day.

There's lots of little, good things in our daily lives that we live for.  Some won't appreciate them fully until they are reminded how fortunate they are to have them.  Kopol isn't like that, he lives in the moment and every good thing is appreciated.  Some times it's a roll in the grass on a bright sunny day.  Sometimes it's the attention of his beloved best friend.

  

Surprise Visit

Laura Nagy came for a visit around noon and brought a big bag of dog biscuits.  As always she was a big hit and cause quite a commotion with Otis and Kopol.  I tried to get video of Hurricane Kopol  but I screwed it up.  Laura is our running partner and mother to Gunner, the German Short Hair Pointer.  Here's a link to a video of all of us in action in the Superstition Mountains near Phoenix.  Thanks Laura.
"Gunner and Friends in the Superstitions"

Kopol's vet. Dr. Jackie called today to check up on him.  We haven't spoke with her since his last office visit on 11/19.  It seems like Kopol might be losing weight and Rachel told Dr. Jackie this. Her response "if this is cancer we are dealing with then we need to change his diet."  For the last few weeks Kopol has been on a white rice and chicken breast diet.  "Cancer loves carbohydrates" she said, so now we need to switch over to a protein based diet.  Grain free, dry dog food, chicken breasts and cottage cheese.  This meant that the huge pot of rice Rachel cooked up today, in the water used to boil the chicken, is now for Otis.  Dinner time is always exciting for the boys but tonight the preparations were just a little more special.  Here they are waiting (not allowed in the kitchen) at the kitchen door.

    

New Day

Sunday 11/28/2010

Saturday night was a good one for Kopol :)  I think he made one or two trips outside and didn't wet the bed.  Last night before going to bed I helped him to eliminate a lot of urine.  We are getting better at working together to get this job done.  The previous night that was so bad could have been brought on by the stress of the Kavakeb Family Reunion on Friday.  The last few runs Kopol did with me he was stopping constantly trying to urinate and/or defecate.  I'm convinced now that stress is created in his mind from the intense physical activity and brain signals are getting mixed up giving him the sensation to eliminate waste.  Oh well this is probably a far stretch but it is a fact that when Kopol is calm those urges to eliminate are minimal. 

Why did Kopol look so out of it on Saturday morning?  I've got an answer for that too.  The Kavakeb Family Reunion, yes I can blame the reunion for everything.  He was just plain puckered out from all that excitement and humping and running and humping and..............................  :)

I think someone special is coming by today to visit Kopol.  Shhhhhhhhhhh it's a surprise.  Maybe I'll post video and/or images later?  For now enjoy this image I took last week of Kopol lounging on our back patio.

Miss You Big Head

Saturday 11/27/2010

Tough night for Kopol and me, maybe just me.  Seems like I couldn't get a wink of sleep and finally moved into the other bedroom to sleep.  Kopol has moved back into our bedroom to sleep next to me, on the floor at night.  He had been sacking out in the front room, maybe so he could have a quick, clear shot for the back door when the urge to eliminate hit him.  Before I put in the doggie door I was letting him out up to four times during the night.  Now with the doggie door he can come and go as he pleases and I'm sleeping a little better.  If the night brings many trips outside for my pal then I start to worry about him.  Last night was one of those nights and by his third trip out I went out with him to help him urinate.  He doesn't seem to mind this help and I suspect even enjoys the attention.  He'll get into his squat and then look over his shoulder when I approach.  His tail is up, wagging and I swear he is smiling.  A gentle pressure applied to his bladder and the urine flows.  Not a heavy stream but steady trickle.  Anytime during the day that I see him in the squat I go assist.

So, Saturday morning the family got up early, as usual so that we could go run in the PMP (Phoenix Mountain Preserve).  Kopol didn't look so good, tired, lethargic and once he ate he crashed on one of his beds.  He followed our movement with his eyes, not lifting his head from the ground.  That's what I remember about Casper, our last yellow Lab.  When he was close to death he laid on the floor and watched our every move, too tired to move.  I could tell Rachel was worried about Kopol and this just added to my somber, sleep deprived mood.  On top of all this worry was the fact that Kopol's bed revealed he had lost his urine, twice during the night.

No dogs were running today so Rachel and I left, each to a different part of the PMP to run solo.  I'll spare you all the details of my run but one fact that must be noted is how alone I felt.  I love running along, and I can say that because I really am never alone.  Many times one or more running partners join me and for the last few years when the weather is cool Kopol always ran with me.  It didn't matter the duration or terrain the Kope Man was on my heels.  Today though he wasn't.  He should have been but the new reality is I will be missing my best running partner in all (?) :( my future runs.

I miss you Big Head, Love you.

I returned home to a happy tail wagging Kopol.  The rest of the day he seemed happy, comfortable and pain free.

Family Reunion

Friday 11/26/2010

When Kopol was 4.5 years old he came to live with my family which consisted of my wife Rachel, and our dogs Buddy and Otis.  For the first few years of his life he lived with Nader and Mahsa Kavakeb, until they separated.  Mahsa picked Kopol out from a litter of AKC pups as a birthday present from Nader.  Life doesn't always work out as planned and Kopol needed a new home.  Long story short, we are the fortunate ones to take him home.  Nader and Mahsa are from Iran and "Kopol" means "cute chubby thing" in Persian.  He was that, cute and chubby when Mahsa entered the room and Kopol was the only pup to run up to her, "kinda sideways."

This week I got in touch with both Mahsa and Nader to tell them about Kopol's deteriorating health.  Nader lives in town, Mahsa in Dubai.  Nader and I arranged for a family reunion at Desert Storm park in Central Phoenix.  Nader and my family kinda fell out of touch and Kopol hasn't seen Nader in a few years.  This video captured that initial meeting "Family Reunion."

I should have taken more video when we entered the grass portion of the park, we let Kopol run around as Nader had requested "I want to see him run free."  Kope ran around like a young dog, not the 12 year old that he is.  Pretty soon a medium size black mutt run up to us looking for some fun.  What he got was Kopol trying to mount him.  That's Kopol, he immediately tries to hump anything on four legs that isn't a table or chair.  Rachel told Nader that we were asked to leave a dog park a few years back because Kopol was giving it to all the passive dogs.  Nader in turn told us that when he tried to get Kopol through obedience school it lasted 3 days before he was asked to leave.  Rachel said "just like that scene in "Marley and Me."  Yes, I see the resemblance, take a peek Kopol or Marley?

Nader it was so nice to see you again and I'm very thankful that you and Kopol had your reunion.  Amazingly, Mahsa is moving back to Arizona on December 20, 2010.  I will do whatever I can, in Kopol's best interest to keep him healthy for his reunion with his original "mom."

Reality and Grief

11/22/2010

Friends,

Last spring we started noticing that Kopol was struggling to have a bowel movement, in every other way he seemed healthy and normal.  We figured this would pass because he has a habit of eating bad things from the trails and then getting sick.  As time passed he wasn’t improving so we took him in for a checkup with blood and stool work.  Nothing turned up in the stool but in his blood were signs of ehrlichiosis or canine tick fever and his thyroid also showed signs of dysfunction.  He was put on thyroid medication for life.  Several weeks later we had more blood work done to see if the ehrlichiosis was still present; it was, so we started him on a long term dosage of antibiotics, which he is still taking.  Nothing has changed; Kopol still struggles to have a satisfactory bowel movement which never comes.  His stool is small and runny.  Lately he has been trying to urinate with little to no discharge. 

Last Friday 11/19 at 7 am we gave Kopol 4 tablets of Acepronmazine so that he would be sedate during an ultra sound and x-rays.  This drug took Kopol to a point where he was basically at a point of “functioning unconsciousness,” he was so messed up and it took him 48 hours to recover to “normal.”  Even in his stupor at the vet’s office Kopol made every attempt to get/give love from anybody in his vicinity.  He lay on the floor and when he sensed anybody approach “thump, thump thump” went his happy tail and he made a groggy attempt to roll up onto his feet.  At this point in our relationship I realize the extent of this boy’s incredible sprit and was attempting, as he always has in everything he does, to give 110%.  Of all the times I have wished for Kopol to be sedate I now, never wish to see him ever again the way I saw him this past weekend.  I also took a good look at myself and realize the impatience I have had with Kopol over the years is a lost opportunity to be a better person.  Going forward I see myself getting closer to the person I want to be thanks to the lesson(s) Kopol has taught me.   I would ask him to forgive me but I know he has never failed in his love for me.  He’s always loved me and showed me so, 110%.

The ultra sound showed no stones in his urinary track so the vet went on to x-rays.  For the last couple weeks Kopol has not only struggled to urinate but had started to dribble urine.  What the technology tells really, is nothing.  We still don’t know why he struggles to eliminate waste.  We got a clear picture of an enormous bladder which the vet drained and was causing the incontinence, the urine was spilling out.  We also saw some fusing of a couple vertebrae and as the vet put it “his hips are in magnificent shape.”

Kopol is 12 years old, that’s “old” for a large dog.  He looks so good, healthy and strong but when he tries to eliminate waste we are reminded there is something terribly wrong.  The vet speculated he might have a tumor growing in his spine which is disrupting the data moving to and from his brain.  Wishful speculation is that the tick fever or a super strong strain of giardia is causing his problems and the antibiotics will bring his body functions into check.  No matter how strong and healthy he may be, at 12 he is approaching the end of his life, and whatever amount of life he has, it won’t be enough.  Right now he lays inches away, living in the present, he looks comfortable and pain free, his eyes forever on me.  I, on the other hand, do not stay in the now and conjure up a vision of my future which makes me break down in tears.  We have chosen not to put Kopol through any more tests and take each day as it comes.  The vet showed me how I could help him urinate by pressing on his bladder.  This seems to be working, his bladder is not filling up but we realize this is only a temporary fix.  An empty bladder will help keep him comfortable and may buy enough time to see improvements. 

If I am selfish, as I was with Casper and Buddy, there will come a time when Kopol’s sprit fades and he stares at me with empty eyes.  I have promised my good friend that day will never come.