Meaning of Life

11/30/2010

I remember years ago my friend Sharon Kelley saying "I know the meaning of life, it's all those little moments that bring us joy, we get through all the other stuff because we anticipate the good times."  I don't think that works for Kopol or other dogs, they live in the now.  I guess that's part of my job as his friend, to get him to the good stuff and minimize the bad.  There is a point when the good stuff is so far and in between because the bad stuff seems to be winning out.  Enter the dilemma we face, when has the balance tipped the wrong direction and it's time to put a permanent end to the bad? 
It's my job to get Kopol to the good and hold off the bad.  That's what we needed yesterday morning, some good.  Kopol was up and out a couple times during the night and wet his bed at some point.  He really looked sad and worn out Monday morning so Otis and Kopol and I went for the good, something that is always good, a drive around town.  Petsmart was one of our stops to pick up his new grain free food.  Another stop was Alta Vista Veterinary Hospital where Dr. Jackie works.  I wanted to get Kopol on the scale and at 66.5 pounds he has lost weight.  That's about 8 pounds down from where he should be.  When we got home Kopie got a special treat, lunch.  His appetite is great so from now on we will give him three meals a day rather than the two he has had since moving in with us.

We also made a stop at Desert Storm park but that wasn't as good as I expected.  A nearby charter school was holding PE class in the park so the boys couldn't run free.  Although it did cross my mind to let Kopol run amok with the 10 year olds, I think all would have had a great time except for the PE coach.

This morning was Kopol's first breakfast on his new diet,  2 cups of grain free kibble, chicken breast and chicken broth.  Otis got the same ole crappy Purina kibble but with some chicken broth white rice.  Both boys were in heaven and devoured their food in a mad frenzy.  That was a really good time, lunch will be another and then dinner will round out the three guaranteed good times per day.

There's lots of little, good things in our daily lives that we live for.  Some won't appreciate them fully until they are reminded how fortunate they are to have them.  Kopol isn't like that, he lives in the moment and every good thing is appreciated.  Some times it's a roll in the grass on a bright sunny day.  Sometimes it's the attention of his beloved best friend.

  

Surprise Visit

Laura Nagy came for a visit around noon and brought a big bag of dog biscuits.  As always she was a big hit and cause quite a commotion with Otis and Kopol.  I tried to get video of Hurricane Kopol  but I screwed it up.  Laura is our running partner and mother to Gunner, the German Short Hair Pointer.  Here's a link to a video of all of us in action in the Superstition Mountains near Phoenix.  Thanks Laura.
"Gunner and Friends in the Superstitions"

Kopol's vet. Dr. Jackie called today to check up on him.  We haven't spoke with her since his last office visit on 11/19.  It seems like Kopol might be losing weight and Rachel told Dr. Jackie this. Her response "if this is cancer we are dealing with then we need to change his diet."  For the last few weeks Kopol has been on a white rice and chicken breast diet.  "Cancer loves carbohydrates" she said, so now we need to switch over to a protein based diet.  Grain free, dry dog food, chicken breasts and cottage cheese.  This meant that the huge pot of rice Rachel cooked up today, in the water used to boil the chicken, is now for Otis.  Dinner time is always exciting for the boys but tonight the preparations were just a little more special.  Here they are waiting (not allowed in the kitchen) at the kitchen door.

    

New Day

Sunday 11/28/2010

Saturday night was a good one for Kopol :)  I think he made one or two trips outside and didn't wet the bed.  Last night before going to bed I helped him to eliminate a lot of urine.  We are getting better at working together to get this job done.  The previous night that was so bad could have been brought on by the stress of the Kavakeb Family Reunion on Friday.  The last few runs Kopol did with me he was stopping constantly trying to urinate and/or defecate.  I'm convinced now that stress is created in his mind from the intense physical activity and brain signals are getting mixed up giving him the sensation to eliminate waste.  Oh well this is probably a far stretch but it is a fact that when Kopol is calm those urges to eliminate are minimal. 

Why did Kopol look so out of it on Saturday morning?  I've got an answer for that too.  The Kavakeb Family Reunion, yes I can blame the reunion for everything.  He was just plain puckered out from all that excitement and humping and running and humping and..............................  :)

I think someone special is coming by today to visit Kopol.  Shhhhhhhhhhh it's a surprise.  Maybe I'll post video and/or images later?  For now enjoy this image I took last week of Kopol lounging on our back patio.

Miss You Big Head

Saturday 11/27/2010

Tough night for Kopol and me, maybe just me.  Seems like I couldn't get a wink of sleep and finally moved into the other bedroom to sleep.  Kopol has moved back into our bedroom to sleep next to me, on the floor at night.  He had been sacking out in the front room, maybe so he could have a quick, clear shot for the back door when the urge to eliminate hit him.  Before I put in the doggie door I was letting him out up to four times during the night.  Now with the doggie door he can come and go as he pleases and I'm sleeping a little better.  If the night brings many trips outside for my pal then I start to worry about him.  Last night was one of those nights and by his third trip out I went out with him to help him urinate.  He doesn't seem to mind this help and I suspect even enjoys the attention.  He'll get into his squat and then look over his shoulder when I approach.  His tail is up, wagging and I swear he is smiling.  A gentle pressure applied to his bladder and the urine flows.  Not a heavy stream but steady trickle.  Anytime during the day that I see him in the squat I go assist.

So, Saturday morning the family got up early, as usual so that we could go run in the PMP (Phoenix Mountain Preserve).  Kopol didn't look so good, tired, lethargic and once he ate he crashed on one of his beds.  He followed our movement with his eyes, not lifting his head from the ground.  That's what I remember about Casper, our last yellow Lab.  When he was close to death he laid on the floor and watched our every move, too tired to move.  I could tell Rachel was worried about Kopol and this just added to my somber, sleep deprived mood.  On top of all this worry was the fact that Kopol's bed revealed he had lost his urine, twice during the night.

No dogs were running today so Rachel and I left, each to a different part of the PMP to run solo.  I'll spare you all the details of my run but one fact that must be noted is how alone I felt.  I love running along, and I can say that because I really am never alone.  Many times one or more running partners join me and for the last few years when the weather is cool Kopol always ran with me.  It didn't matter the duration or terrain the Kope Man was on my heels.  Today though he wasn't.  He should have been but the new reality is I will be missing my best running partner in all (?) :( my future runs.

I miss you Big Head, Love you.

I returned home to a happy tail wagging Kopol.  The rest of the day he seemed happy, comfortable and pain free.

Family Reunion

Friday 11/26/2010

When Kopol was 4.5 years old he came to live with my family which consisted of my wife Rachel, and our dogs Buddy and Otis.  For the first few years of his life he lived with Nader and Mahsa Kavakeb, until they separated.  Mahsa picked Kopol out from a litter of AKC pups as a birthday present from Nader.  Life doesn't always work out as planned and Kopol needed a new home.  Long story short, we are the fortunate ones to take him home.  Nader and Mahsa are from Iran and "Kopol" means "cute chubby thing" in Persian.  He was that, cute and chubby when Mahsa entered the room and Kopol was the only pup to run up to her, "kinda sideways."

This week I got in touch with both Mahsa and Nader to tell them about Kopol's deteriorating health.  Nader lives in town, Mahsa in Dubai.  Nader and I arranged for a family reunion at Desert Storm park in Central Phoenix.  Nader and my family kinda fell out of touch and Kopol hasn't seen Nader in a few years.  This video captured that initial meeting "Family Reunion."

I should have taken more video when we entered the grass portion of the park, we let Kopol run around as Nader had requested "I want to see him run free."  Kope ran around like a young dog, not the 12 year old that he is.  Pretty soon a medium size black mutt run up to us looking for some fun.  What he got was Kopol trying to mount him.  That's Kopol, he immediately tries to hump anything on four legs that isn't a table or chair.  Rachel told Nader that we were asked to leave a dog park a few years back because Kopol was giving it to all the passive dogs.  Nader in turn told us that when he tried to get Kopol through obedience school it lasted 3 days before he was asked to leave.  Rachel said "just like that scene in "Marley and Me."  Yes, I see the resemblance, take a peek Kopol or Marley?

Nader it was so nice to see you again and I'm very thankful that you and Kopol had your reunion.  Amazingly, Mahsa is moving back to Arizona on December 20, 2010.  I will do whatever I can, in Kopol's best interest to keep him healthy for his reunion with his original "mom."

Reality and Grief

11/22/2010

Friends,

Last spring we started noticing that Kopol was struggling to have a bowel movement, in every other way he seemed healthy and normal.  We figured this would pass because he has a habit of eating bad things from the trails and then getting sick.  As time passed he wasn’t improving so we took him in for a checkup with blood and stool work.  Nothing turned up in the stool but in his blood were signs of ehrlichiosis or canine tick fever and his thyroid also showed signs of dysfunction.  He was put on thyroid medication for life.  Several weeks later we had more blood work done to see if the ehrlichiosis was still present; it was, so we started him on a long term dosage of antibiotics, which he is still taking.  Nothing has changed; Kopol still struggles to have a satisfactory bowel movement which never comes.  His stool is small and runny.  Lately he has been trying to urinate with little to no discharge. 

Last Friday 11/19 at 7 am we gave Kopol 4 tablets of Acepronmazine so that he would be sedate during an ultra sound and x-rays.  This drug took Kopol to a point where he was basically at a point of “functioning unconsciousness,” he was so messed up and it took him 48 hours to recover to “normal.”  Even in his stupor at the vet’s office Kopol made every attempt to get/give love from anybody in his vicinity.  He lay on the floor and when he sensed anybody approach “thump, thump thump” went his happy tail and he made a groggy attempt to roll up onto his feet.  At this point in our relationship I realize the extent of this boy’s incredible sprit and was attempting, as he always has in everything he does, to give 110%.  Of all the times I have wished for Kopol to be sedate I now, never wish to see him ever again the way I saw him this past weekend.  I also took a good look at myself and realize the impatience I have had with Kopol over the years is a lost opportunity to be a better person.  Going forward I see myself getting closer to the person I want to be thanks to the lesson(s) Kopol has taught me.   I would ask him to forgive me but I know he has never failed in his love for me.  He’s always loved me and showed me so, 110%.

The ultra sound showed no stones in his urinary track so the vet went on to x-rays.  For the last couple weeks Kopol has not only struggled to urinate but had started to dribble urine.  What the technology tells really, is nothing.  We still don’t know why he struggles to eliminate waste.  We got a clear picture of an enormous bladder which the vet drained and was causing the incontinence, the urine was spilling out.  We also saw some fusing of a couple vertebrae and as the vet put it “his hips are in magnificent shape.”

Kopol is 12 years old, that’s “old” for a large dog.  He looks so good, healthy and strong but when he tries to eliminate waste we are reminded there is something terribly wrong.  The vet speculated he might have a tumor growing in his spine which is disrupting the data moving to and from his brain.  Wishful speculation is that the tick fever or a super strong strain of giardia is causing his problems and the antibiotics will bring his body functions into check.  No matter how strong and healthy he may be, at 12 he is approaching the end of his life, and whatever amount of life he has, it won’t be enough.  Right now he lays inches away, living in the present, he looks comfortable and pain free, his eyes forever on me.  I, on the other hand, do not stay in the now and conjure up a vision of my future which makes me break down in tears.  We have chosen not to put Kopol through any more tests and take each day as it comes.  The vet showed me how I could help him urinate by pressing on his bladder.  This seems to be working, his bladder is not filling up but we realize this is only a temporary fix.  An empty bladder will help keep him comfortable and may buy enough time to see improvements. 

If I am selfish, as I was with Casper and Buddy, there will come a time when Kopol’s sprit fades and he stares at me with empty eyes.  I have promised my good friend that day will never come.